


Wig Gate

by jibjaneen



Series: Twilight Drag AU [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Drag Queens, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24021229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jibjaneen/pseuds/jibjaneen
Summary: Someone stole Jasper's wig, and he really needs it for the show tonight.
Series: Twilight Drag AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732693
Kudos: 1





	Wig Gate

**Author's Note:**

> Twilight Renaissance anyone? This is pure shits and giggles and not that well written, but who knows, I might write more in this gay AU to piss Smeyer off. Here is what you need to know;
> 
> \- Nobody but Edward is straight.  
> \- They're Drag Performers at the Volturi Club, hosted by tired old queen Aro.  
> \- Consider: Emmett is a bear, Rosalie is a legendary trans queen and internet sensation, Alice is a kick ass drag king, Jasper is your slightly problematic southern Drag Queen that voted Republican, Edward is the token straight roommate that lives with them to meet rent.

_Thursday, 10 a.m._

“Have you seen my wig?”

Emmett looked up from where he was cracking a raw egg into a cup to find Jasper standing in the door frame, arm’s crossed and brows furrowed.

“Why the fuck would I have seen your wig?” Emmett asked, chugging the egg down and holding in a burp as it went down. He immediately went to crack a second egg, but before putting it in the cup he wondered if he’d be able to crack it directly into his mouth.

“That’s gross,” Jasper commented as egg-yolk dribbled down Emmett’s chin, purposefully ignoring the wink sent his way, “And I don’t know, but I put it in my wig closet to keep it safe and not it’s not there, so.”

“You mean the gun storage?” Rosalie brushed past Jasper into the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket and hopping onto the counter. She threw Emmett a dish towel, one perfectly manicured eyebrow raising at the sight of four broken eggshells lying around.

“Those guns are there to keep us all safe,” Jasper began, chest puffing up a little bit, “It is our right as Americans to ca-“ He was cut off by a loud groan and the dish towel thrown in his face.

“We don’t have your damn wig, Jasper,” Emmett said, sounding nearly exasperated. Rosalie gasped, crossing her legs. A devious glint passed her eyes.

“You lost a wig?” she said, it somehow sounding more of an accusation than a question, “Shame on you, ma’am!” Her poor imitation of Jasper’s southern drawl got the dish towel flung back at her. She caught it effortlessly and put it down next to her, still taking a bite of the apple. Jasper threw up his hands, turning around and leaving the room without even saying another word. Emmett brought up another egg to crack into his mouth.

“Don’t you dare.”

He put the egg back into the carton.

_Thursday, 1 p.m._

“Why are there so many wigs on the floor?” Edward, fresh home from his college class, was unsure what on earth he had walked into now. When Alice, a girl he shared a communications class with, had approached him about needing an extra tenant to fill in the spare room in the apartment she shared with three other performers, Edward had not anticipated to live with three drag queens and a drag king. He had expected maybe a clown, or a trapeze artist or something. (He’d also just watched the Greatest Showman a few times).

Rent was cheap, anyway, and he had learned to walk in heels.

Alice, perched on the back of their nasty once-upon-a-time-blue couch, didn’t even look up from her phone. “Jasper lost a wig, and now he’s losing it,” she just reported, “Told us to bring all of our wigs in here so he can uncover the culprit.”

Edward blinked.

“Did you take it?” Jasper was suddenly there, pointing an accusatory finger right in Edward’s face.

“Uh,” Edward said, “No? Why would I- Why would I wear a wig?” Alice snorted and put her phone away.

“Jasper, sweetheart,” she said, taking him by the arm, “Sit down, yeah? Nobody took your wig, especially not Edward. We’ll find it.” Jasper reluctantly followed her lead, nearly tripping over a styrofoam head.

“I’m just gonna,” Edward motioned to the door to his room, not getting any reaction from the pair on the couch.

“I really need this wig for tomorrow, Alice,” he heard Jasper say, “Aro is going to kill me if I do Daisy Duke again.”

Edward decided it was best if he didn’t get involved. 

_Thursday, 5 p.m._

“How did it get here?”

The four of them stared at a voluptuous blonde wig, perched on top of the cereal stockpile in the pantry. It was undoubtedly Jasper’s- the little confederate bow tied neatly into the synthetic hair told them as much.

Emmett was the first one to move, barely having to stand on his toes to pick it up. He stared at it for a moment, before turning around with a shit-eating grin and putting it on his head.

“Well, howdy-o y’all,” he drawled in a terrible imitation of Jasper’s accent, “My name’s Major Mimi, and I-“ His monologue and his audience’s laughter was cut off by a more natural southern voice cutting in.

“The hell, Emmett?”

“Fuck,” Emmett said, before making the split decision to bolt out of the pantry, Jasper chasing on his heels.


End file.
